The Tillyville Times

by Humbert Johns

At Sunday's red-carpet premiere of the Tillyville story "The Incident of a Girl and Three Bears," there was little doubt about the evening's true star. Surrounded by flashing cameras and screaming fans, newcomer Elvissa Rubbernixon, who plays Goldilocks in the story, was the center of attention.

"When I heard that Lindsay [Lohan] and Hilary [Duff] were up for the part, the last thing I expected was a call from my agent," Elvissa said. "I was selling Girl Scout cookies at the time. He said, 'Lose those coconut macaroons, kid, you're going to be a star!'"

"Elvissa brings real star-quality to the tale," writer John Mohler Jr. said. "She does 'scared,' like 'Eek! A bear!' She does 'gross,' like 'Eww, this porridge too cold.' The story has such ... such range now. Excuse me."

Still, the premiere was bittersweet: the story marked the final performance of legend Marlon Brando, who donned a bear suit to play the part of the Large Bear.

"Once we got the zipper of his costume up, we learned so much from him," Elvissa said, fighting back tears. "I would catch myself staring, watching him work. Then I'd think, 'Wow! That's the same guy who was in that whatchamacallit movie in the jungle where the angry people in helicopters shoot at each other.' That's the movie that made me want to be a great actress, even though I was only two, and now I'm working with him! How cool is that!"

"The Incident of a Girl and Three Bears" and other wacky illustrated stories appear daily on a computer screen near you, when you subscribe to Tillyville. Six months of laughs, adventure and cool pictures cost only $10—that's 180 stories you can share with your friends!

This Week in Tillyville

Monday at the doughnut shop Tilly finds out why Mel and Linda weren't at the dance. Let's see … As long as I'm here I'll have a Samba, a Fox Trot, and a Chocolate Dip.

Tuesday Tilly and Skinny discuss the Elbow Grease Paradox.

Wednesday Tilly is planning on play a game of cards against Chocolate Rat. Skinny McKinney has some advice: Don't.

Thursday a reckless delivery truck leads to a lesson about Styrofoam peanuts.

On Friday, Justice teaches Dorian about books and coolness, and that we all face the same problems at school. Read "The Writing Club" and you'll learn, too.

A monkey that plays checkers? This sounds like a job for the Hm, Saturday.

The Incident of a Girl and Three Bears

The little girl peaked through the door, left carelessly ajar.

"Hello? Anyone home?" she called, eyeing the three bowls on the table. She checked back and forth, her blond braids swinging. She set down her honey pail and inched a chair away from the table. The tip of her nose sniffed up and down with delight. "Then no one will mind my sampling this porridge—already topped with cinnamon!"

From the cupboard that stood in the corner, three pairs of eyes winked through a crack in the door.

The girl brought a spoonful of porridge to her mouth, and gagged. "This porridge is too cold!" She scooted to the next chair.

Within the cupboard could be heard giggling sounds: tee-hee-hee-hee-hee.

The girl tasted from the second bowl, and flung the spoon. "This porridge is too hot!" She hopped from the chair, and into the last one.

More giggling inside the cupboard, rocking from side-to-side. Tee-hee-hee-hee-hee.

The girl froze and glanced about. The noise stopped.

Satisfied, the girl tasted the last bowl. She said, "This porridge tastes just right," and ate the rest of it. Afterward she patted her tummy and yawned, then gathered up her honey pail and wandered to the bedroom.

The cupboard doors swung open, and out tiptoed three bears, rubbing their paws. Tee-hee-hee-hee-hee.

"It's a fine meal ahead," said the Large Bear. "You emptied the entire packet of sleeping powder in the bowl, right?"

"She'll be out for hours," said the Small Bear. "Let's eat!"

"Not so fast," said the Large Bear. "I will gather berries."

"And I will get water," said the Medium Bear. "You watch the bedroom and see she doesn't escape."

They left the Small Bear tapping a claw on the tabletop. In the other room, the girl snored. The Small Bear eyed the bowls of porridge. Bears are always hungry, you know.

The Small Bear mixed the hot porridge with the cold porridge, and what do you know! He had before him a bowl of warm porridge, just right. The Small Bear ate until the bowl was empty.

Now he felt tired. Very tired, unnaturally so. Oh my. The Small Bear raised himself from the table and shambled his way to the bedroom and into bed.

Some time later, the girl awoke from her nap. Her fuzzy pillow smelled like socks. She pushed at it, and realized it was a bear. She fled out the window.

Soon, the Large Bear and the Medium Bear returned, arms loaded for the feast. Their mouths watering, they crept into the bedroom. They examined the large bed.

"Somebody has been sleeping in my bed," the Large Bear said, his eyes rolling with excitement.

They looked at the medium bed.

"Somebody has been sleeping in my bed," the Medium Bear said, bouncing on his toes.

They approached the small bed, where someone snoozed beneath the covers. Beside the bed stood a pail of honey. The Large Bear winked and lifted a board above his head. The Medium Bear winked and did the same.

Whack! Whack!

Later, the Small Bear sat between the others at the table, with two lumps on his head. "The bowls all look the same," he said. "You might have mixed them up, too."

"Right?" the Small Bear said, but the Large Bear turned away, cradling his honey.

"How's about a little understanding?" the Small Bear said, but the Medium Bear turned away, with his bowl of berries.

The Small Bear sighed, sipping his water.