The Tillyville Times

by Humbert Johns

"They see them here, they see them there," Tillyville Police Sergeant Mickey McDonald said, "the phones are ringing off the hook."

Beatlemania has swept Tillyville. Rumors that the renowned moptops attended a closed-door session of the Tillyville City Council have touched off sightings across town.

"A few weeks ago it was UFOs falling from the sky, and now this," McDonald said. "I don't know if it's sunspots or something in the water, but lately it's hard to preserve disorder."

At the Tillyville Barber Shop, rampant Beatlemania choked off business by 35 percent. Amid the empty shop, Pompadour sat with his head in his hands. "Nobody wants a haircut no more," he said. "I can't even think-a no jokes."

Among those present at Council proceedings was developer Darth Elbow, who claimed not to hear a Liverpudlian accent anywhere within 16,000 miles. "Maybe I missed something (Ruth says I do that). I was only presenting blueprints for the new homes on the north side of town."

City Hall has contracted Elbow Construction to build each resident and subscriber a free home in Tillyville.

Citizens can choose their own personalized house and Tillyville address! Which includes mail delivery—free!

Visitors are instructed to stop by the Zoning Commission on the third floor of City Hall. (Councilman garamond Owl pointed out that the elevator on the west side of the City Hall lobby is operational again, convenient for these hot summer days.)

According to Elbow, homesteaders can choose the Oregano, the Cilantro, the Tarragon, or the Ginger, or they can submit custom designs or illustrations, and Elbow will build to order. The models are available for public view on Lois Lane just east of West Elbow.

Asked by this reporter whether the model homes were named for spices, Elbow replied, "Naw, for my pet beetles, which are named for spices. There's one now! Ringo, come down from the nice reporter's neck. As I was saying ... Hello? Hello? Get this man some water!"

Letters to the Editor

Dear Tilly,

   I love it. This whole clicking thing is so fun. Anyway great work. This is really neat and I would like a suggestion from you how I can introduce your site for some of the families that I know in the practice at work. Keep up the good work.

Diane

The Cilantro - one of four new Tillyville models

This Week in Tillyville

Choosing the right bathing suit is serious stuff, particularly if your name is Lemon Boy, er, L.Bo. Why don't you come with on Sunday, because believe me, he can use all the help he can get.

Oh oh! Monday is the official start of Ice Cream Season, but the Tillyville ice cream truck has come down with a bad case of ice cream truckitis.

Tilly and Skinny plan a road trip Tuesday. Don't worry, Skinny's making a list. Um, on second thought, worry.

Wednesday the road trip takes a wrong turn. Luckily, Tilly and Skinny have synchronized their flashlights.

Ever the idea man, Skinny figures out a new way for Tilly to take in Thursday's garbage cans.

On Friday, Dorian is a Dalek, one of a race of robots that menace the galaxy, but have really bad senses of humor.

On Saturday, meet Cupcake, who is tired of being bullied. No one seems to understand her, except the Hm.

Darth Elbow isn't the only builder in town.

The Staircase

Herbert Swan came over to help Tilly build the staircase. "If there's one thing you don't want in a staircase, it's rickety," Herbert said. "That's why I won't build anything with sugar cubes, carrot sticks, or hen's teeth."

"Hen's teeth?" Tilly said, surprised. "Why would anyone want to build anything out of hen's teeth?"

"Exactly," said Herbert Swan. "Hen's teeth are rickety and unreliable. Now are you wanting this stairway to go up or down?" Herbert waited for Tilly's answer.

"Um," Tilly said.

"Up or down?" repeated Herbert Swan. "No stairway in its right mind goes um. Up or down?"

"Um," Tilly repeated.

"Um is neither up nor down," Herbert said sternly. "It's not even half up and half down. And no self-respecting stairway goes sideways. Come on, Tilly, decide."

"Can't it be both up and down?" Tilly asked.

"You mean reversible?"

"I guess so."

Herbert Swan considered Tilly's request. "Okay, up and down. Interesting concept. Very interesting."

"We are talking about stairs?" Tilly said, just to make sure.

"Stairs, yes," Herbert said. "But we've also got flights to consider. Flights and landings. And banisters. Can't do without banisters. And luggage racks."

"Luggage racks?"

"Yes. Or rather no. Sorry. Got confused there for a moment. All this talk of flights. I was thinking of airplanes for a moment there. Sorry. Sorry. But say, you wouldn't want to consider substituting a landing strip for your stairway? Imagine the pizzazz. You could print a schedule for departures and arrivals. Have a ticket counter. A cafeteria. A government security force. Remote parking."

"I just want a simple stairway," Tilly said. "None of the frills. None of the fancy stuff, just a simple—"

"Not even a snack bar?" Herbert interrupted.

"Stairway," Tilly said. "To get to—"

"So it's simple you want, why didn't you say so?" Herbert said. "I have just the thing." Herbert rummaged through his duffel bag. He pulled out a toaster, a Tupperware container of acorns, a trumpet mute. "I know it's in here somewhere," he said. An alarm clock, a one-a-day vitamin, a package of banana muffin mix. He shook the alarm clock. "Mm, still ticking," he said. "Might be good for getting up." He looked questioningly at Tilly. "No? Right. Right. What was I thinking of? A stairway. Hm." He popped the one-a-day vitamin into his mouth. "Ah, here it is, hiding behind the crowbar as usual."

Herbert drew a length of yellow rope from his duffel bag.

"That's a rope," Tilly said.

"I know," Herbert replied, coiling the rope about his elbow. "A stairway rope. No frills, no fray. You climb up, you slide down. You climb up, you slide down. Climbing up is good exercise. Sliding down is great fun. What do you think?"

"Thanks," Tilly said, "but I think I want something with a banister."

story by Walter
rope by Leila
other art by Dave

Get a new story delivered to you by email everyday. Subscribe to Tillyville!